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Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Baruch dayan haemet
We mourn the passing of Mandy Patinkin's Dead Like Me which (a) aired on Showtime and (b) apparently not that many people watched. We're not sure why Patinkin keeps trying. Doesn't he know that he'll only be remembered for playing the unforgettable role of Inigo "You Killed My Father, Prepare to Die" Montoya?
posted by Benyamin | 3:03 PM | Link | (1) comments |
Cult classic
John Travolta and wife Kelly Preston home-school their two kids so that they can "keep their education in line with the tenets of Scientology." Not wanting to be one-upped, Madonna has reportedly yanked her kids out of the Kabbalah school she founded so her kids can be weaned by sucking on the mystical wellsprings that is her breasts.
posted by Benyamin | 1:37 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, December 27, 2004
Uma turned Ulla
Now that Nicole Kidman has dropped out of the film version of The Producers, the New York Post is reporting that she'll be replaced by none other than Kill Bill's Uma Thurman. Somewhere, we assume, Tom Cruise is consoling Ethan Hawke.
posted by Benyamin | 5:43 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Bowling for Palestine
Could it be? Was Yasser Arafat a part owner of a trendy New York bowling alley often used as a hip spot for bar mitzvah parties? Paging Michael Moore.
posted by Benyamin | 11:57 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Barking up the wrong tree
News from the celebrity world of bizarre behavior: Actress Natasha Lyonne (American Pie) was arrested after she busted into her neighbor's apartment, ripped a mirror off the wall and -- get this -- threatened the dog. This is not the first time the actress has had trouble with the law. In 2001, Lyonne was busted for drunk driving in Miami after she crashed her car into a sign and fled the scene of the accident. Imagine, only one more incident like this and VH1 will expedite production on Behind the Busts: The life and wild times of Natasha Lyonne.
posted by Benyamin | 9:56 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, December 20, 2004
Tax break
OK, so he killed six million Jews. But did you know that he also evaded taxes?
posted by Benyamin | 9:36 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Naughty nuptials
An 82-year-old Chinese Nobel physicist has popped the question to a 28-year-old student whom he described as a gift from God. In Jewish circles, we call this bashert.
posted by Benyamin | 9:26 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
New producers needed
Nicole Kidman has dropped out of the role of the busty blonde Ulla the big sceen version of Mel Brooks' Nazi comedy The Producers, citing scheduling difficulties and not enough time to properly learn the song and dance numbers. No replacement has been mentioned yet for the film, which also stars Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane, but filming is still set to begin in February. May we suggest Jennifer Coolidge as a replacement?
posted by Benyamin | 4:31 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Son of Seinfeld ... not
Shoshonna Lonstein Gruss, the woman who used to date Jerry Seinfeld, is now four months pregnant. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
posted by Benyamin | 10:48 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Still coming to a theater near you
Our worst fears have come true: Too many people are recognizing Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat character that it's making it hard for the comedian to do his shtick. There's no reason to worry too much though. Our sources tell us that Cohen is currently filming a feature length film centered solely around the revered Borat character. We're sure all the "chocolate face" people will be happy to hear that.
posted by Benyamin | 10:43 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Hilton empire expands
It appears that Paris Hilton's latest conquest is Adam Levine, the lead singer for Maroon 5. They were seen leaving a party together last week. Levine's publicist, who has helped craft the Jewish musician's recent rise to stardom, was seen hyperventilating nearby.
posted by Benyamin | 10:28 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Yentl's polyp
For the many readers of the Yada Blog who are also members of the Barbra Streisand fan club (you know who you are), you'll be happy to know that Babs is doing just fine after having a benign polyp removed from her colon. Now, with that image in your mind, please feel free to continue your breakfast.
posted by Benyamin | 10:17 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Jews have money. Film at 11.
A new study found that recent North American immigrants to Israel are a major economic asset to the Jewish state. In a related story, the world is round.
posted by Benyamin | 10:07 AM | Link | (0) comments |
O'Reilly the new Birthright Israel
Fox News' Bill O'Reilly has angered some in the Jewish community by suggesting that someone who doesn't like Christmas celebrations in public schools should "go to Israel" ... where, we assume, O'Reilly would tell them to massage themselves in the shower by using a specially constructed falafel.
posted by Benyamin | 10:01 AM | Link | (0) comments |
You're fired!
Word is that Madonna fired her manager because he had an affair -- something forbideen by Kabbalah. Besides the fact that this kind of behavior is also frowned upon everywhere but Utah, Madonna felt that his lack of faithfulness was a smack in the face for her faith. We can only assume that when Madonna finds out that not all Jews are as righteous as Moses, her head will instantaneously explode and the world, as we know it, will cease to exist.
posted by Benyamin | 9:32 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Island of Dr. Mel
Ever wonder what Mel Gibson planned on doing with his almost $400 million windfall from The Passion of the Christ? Well, apparently, he plans on paying $15 million to purchase a small island in Fiji. We wonder what he plans on doing there. Perhaps he has plans to construct a Dr. Evil lair where he can mastermind plots to convert the world's Jewish population.
posted by Benyamin | 4:30 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Kosher apprentice
Is Donald Trump's son going kosher?
posted by Benyamin | 2:29 PM | Link | (0) comments |
What bias?
Disturbing news from a man in news: The New York Post is reporting that ABC newsman Peter Jennings will use his purported pro-Palestinian leanings to determine who will be the next Jerusalem correspondent for the network. "There's a litmus test," said one insider. "If you support Israel, you need not apply."
posted by Benyamin | 1:50 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Serving the love
Tennis superstar Serena Williams is livid today at comments she said she never made. On Monday, an interview that included disparaging comments about black men began circulating on the Internet flooding inboxes across cyberspace. The interview quoted Williams as saying, "If you are a successful black female, you only have two choices ... Date outisde your race or date other successful black females." She now claims those comments were made up, that she never said them, and were part of a elaborate hoax to embarass her. Although, it is interesting to note that Williams -- who could pretty much get any guy she wants -- is in a serious relationship with Brett Ratner, a white Jewish film director. Go figure.
posted by Benyamin | 1:36 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Plastic patriarchs
From Reuters:
Church leaders united Wednesday to condemn a Christmas nativity tableau depicting wax figures of soccer star David Beckham as Joseph and his pop singer wife Victoria as the Virgin Mary.

Hey, at least they didn't have a live Val Kilmer portraying Moses in a critically-panned musical.
posted by Benyamin | 9:50 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Bloomin Buddha
The London Mirror is reporting that Lord of the Rings heartthrob Orlando Bloom is becoming a Buddhist. In a related story, subscriptions for Teen Buddha magazine increased tenfold.
posted by Benyamin | 9:15 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, December 06, 2004
Credit check
Bank Leumi says that is offering a new credit card next month for Orthodox Jews that will not work on Shabbat. Obvious question: If these card-carrying Jews are indeed Sabbath observant, how would they even know if their card doesn't work on Saturday? Anticipating the logic, the bank says the card will also not work in Jewish-owned stores that stay open on Saturday. Ah yes, that's the classic way to turn someone on to Judaism -- ruin their business and guilt them into being religious. New credit card? Free. Giving Jews a bad name? Priceless.
posted by Benyamin | 9:56 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Fiddle faddle
Fiddling isn't only left to the purview of bearded men on rooftops. Meet Miri Ben-Ari, the sizzlin' hip-hop violinist making waves with the likes of Kanye West and Jay-Z. The 26-year-old classically trained Israeli violinist has already worked on a lot of hip-hop albums and will release her debut solo CD early next year. For the impatient, her first single, "Sunshine to the Rain," drops this month.
posted by Benyamin | 2:35 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Thou shalt not go over budget
George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh's Section Eight production company are planning a Ten Commandments-themed miniseries for the FX network. We're assuming they didn't get the inspiration from the critically-panned performance by Val Kilmer in the recent L.A. production.
posted by Benyamin | 2:33 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Silverman returns
From the "where-are-they-now" files, we're happy to report that Jonathan Silverman is alive and well. The 38-year-old actor, best known for his work in Brighton Beach Memoirs and Weekend at Bernie's, has been keeping busy recently. He has just wrapped filming on two movies -- Jekyll and Laura Smiles. Now comes word that the former Single Guy will star in the remake of the 1946 film Angel on My Shoulder in which the devil helps a dead gangster return from the fishes and become a highly regarded judge to repent for his past life. Silverman, who still can't seem to get top billing, will play the role of the judge's assistant.
posted by Benyamin | 2:31 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Like a prayer
Madonna recently halted a Versace photo shoot she was doing to take time to recite the special prayer for Rosh Chodesh which, as we've said in the space before, is a lot more than most Jews do.
posted by Benyamin | 3:41 PM | Link | (0) comments |
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