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The human stain
A New York man who is living with his girlfriend is having his lawyer deny that he's cheating on said girlfriend with everyone's favorite intern, Monica Lewinsky. How come every time Lewinsky gets into a relationship lawyers have to get involved?
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From Ha'aretz:
The Tourism Ministry has produced a 30-second video in which Madonna says Israel is a safe place to visit. The video, which was taped during the pop singer's recent trip here, will be shown about 10 times on three large screens at the world tourism fair in London, which runs from November 8-11. Other attractions at the fair's Israeli site include a beach corner.
So this is what it boils down to? Our holy land is now priding itself on Madonna and beaches. No wonder the Palestinians hate us.
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Watering hole
Madonna is apparently getting special treatment at Kabbalah shindigs. "While we waited in the line for water and a buffet of salmon, salad and hummus, Madonna sat on a table stacked with wine bottles and blessed water," one scorned observer said. They were waiting in line for water and hummus? What is this ... Russia circa 1984?
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| Friday, October 29, 2004 |
Vote Jesus
Taking a cue from our cover story, the Washington Post reveals an intriguing trend -- evangelicals rockin' the vote. Groups with names like "Redeem the Vote" and "I Vote Values" are using Christian rock bands and even Jesus heartthrob James Caviezel to reach young MTV-generation Christian voters.
Back inside the sanctuary, headliner Jeremy Camp is crooning one of his ballads. The singer knows where he stands. "You don't see any alcohol or smoking going on here," he had said earlier about his dressing room, a church classroom littered with bottled water and Krispy Kremes.
When the crowd yells, "We love Jeremy!" he corrects them.
"We love Jesus!" he yells back.
Is that a third party candidate?
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| Friday, October 22, 2004 |
CSI: Monica
Monica Lewinsky wants to go to grad school to study forensic psychology. Perhaps she'll bring in a certain semen-stained dress as show and tell.
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Missy vs. Madonna
Missy Elliot may not be a Kabbalist, but she still adores the Material Girl. "I love Madonna -- we became friends after the Gap advert," says Elliot. "She introduced me to Kabbalah and gave me a red bracelet. I'm Christian, so I didn't join -- but we're still close." Wait ... since when has being Christian ever stopped a celeb from hooking up with Kabbalah?
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| Wednesday, October 20, 2004 |
Life controlling lesbians
 In an effort to get country superstar (and DUI pinup) Wynonna Judd to cancel her planned performance on a cruiseship full of vacationing lesbians, the Traditional Values Coalition is telling Judd's fan(s) to knock some sense into her. "Urge her to study what the Bible says in both the Old and New Testaments about homosexuality," the ubiquitously named group wrote on their Web site. "To learn how faith in Christ has set men and women free from bondage to this life-controlling condition." Wait, wait, wait. Stop right there ... You had me at 'bondage'.
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| Tuesday, October 19, 2004 |
Stiller's birthright
Ben Stiller and goy toy wife Christine Taylor are planning a trip to Israel, the first trip for Stiller since dad Jerry took him to the Holy Land when he was 16-years-old. Madonna could not be reached for comment.
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Props to the Big Man Upstairs
 For the love of all things sacred, Britney Spears has decided to not share the next few months with the rest of the world. According to a letter to fans on her Web site, the multi-hyphenate Spears said she's putting herself in a self-imposed exile. "I know now that my knee gave out on me this past summer so that I would have no choice but to stop," Spears wrote. "My body was shutting down and needed rest. It's funny how the Man upstairs works." Yep, we have God to thank for this.
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Kabbalah roundup: The Berg's rule the universe edition
 Madonna is starting to do some publicity for the November launch of the fourth of five Kabbalah-themed children's books, this one called The Adventures of Abdi. Meanwhile, in other Kabbalah book news, to help celebrate the publication of Kabbalah leader Michael Berg's new book, Demi Moore and boy toy Ashton Kutcher are throwing a party for him in London. While Michael's not out pimping his new tome, he and brother Yehuda are helping their ailing 76-year-old dad Philip recover from a debilitating stroke. Hey, somebody's got to position themself to take over the evil Kabbalah empire when daddy kicks the proverbial mystical bucket.
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| Friday, October 15, 2004 |
Israel, a new breed of croc hunters
From the BBC:
Israeli police are desperately searching for hundreds of missing baby crocodiles stolen from a breeding farm in the south of the country. Wildlife experts fear the African crocodiles might be released into the country's waterways. "It is a race against time," a spokesman for the Nature and Parks Authority told Reuters news agency.
Wait ... hold up a second. Let me get this straight. Israeli authorities can catch this guy, but they can't find a bunch of baby crocodiles? Oy.
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Crystal ball
The Associated Press reports that advance ticket sales for Billy Crystal's upcoming Broadway show 700 Sundays has exceeded expectations and far surpassed that of any other new Broadway show this fall. But hold your horses, Mr. City Slicker. Could the reason your show is already brining in so much money because, at $101.25, it's also the highest priced ticket for a one-man show on Broadway?
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| Thursday, October 14, 2004 |
Taylor made
Elizabeth Taylor, who's quite famous for her collection of husbands, is being sued over another of her collections. In a federal suit filed Wednesday in California, the heirs of Margarete Mauthner claim a priceless Van Gogh rightfully belongs to them and was stolen by the Nazis during World War II. Taylor bought the painting at a Sotheby's auction in 1963 and refuses to give it to the Mauthner family. In a related story, yep, Elizabeth Taylor is still alive.
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Manilow is a man's man (we think)
Barry Manilow got in trouble with gay activists. And it's not because he's denying he's gay. At a recent concert, he introduced a duet between him Brian Darcy James, the star of Manilow's new Holocaust musical Harmony, by saying that the two would sing together but "we're not going to sing it to each other -- because that would be creepy." Yeah, and Manilow singing by himself isn't creepy?
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Superman returns ... without the help of Jesus
Jesus is not Superman. Seriously. James Caviezel, who will forever be known as the guy who took one for the team in Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ says he's interested in the role in the Bryan Singer directed Superman Returns. "I like to play iconic characters, and I see the role of Superman as a big responsibility." But Singer says he has other plans. "James Caviezel [is] a wonderful actor," the Jewish director told Aint-It-Cool.com. "But no, I'm committed to casting an unknown." It's ok, James. In a battle royale, Jesus would probably kick Superman's ass, anyway.
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| Wednesday, October 13, 2004 |
Like a prayer
So the reason Madonna trekked to Israel recently, according to some reports, is that she was praying to have a baby. "She talked about how the trip would renew their lives, and the hope was that being blessed by holy people would make her wish come true," an insider was quoted as saying. Doesn't Madonna know that when someone wants to have a baby, the Jewish custom is to hold a baby boy at a bris. Perhaps Madonna can ask fellow Kabbalah devotee Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham (who's very preggers) if she could hold their baby when it's born.
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Name game
Remember way back in June when Hollywood power couple Courteney Cox and David Arquette gave birth to a bouncing baby girl named ... Coco. Well, it appears the proud parents actually have a good reason for such a seemingly silly name. Thanks to Jewschool for alerting us to news reports that say they did it in deference to David's Judaism. "Courteney comes from the south and her mother's name's Courteney Cox and she's Courteney Cox and she wanted to name our kid Courteney Cox, but I'm half Jewish," says Arquette. "My mother was Jewish, so it's sort of against the Jewish tradition to [name a child] after somebody who's living." So, as a compromise, they took the rashei teyvot (Hebrew for first letters) Courteney Cox to come up with Coco. Wow -- wonder if Madonna is paying attention.
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Gibson stalker still in love
Some people just can't take a hint. 34-year-old Zach Sinclair, was told to stay away from the Jesus fanatic, after he attempted to stalk Gibson in order to pray with the director of The Passion of the Christ. Now comes word that Sinclair has broken the boundaries of the restraining order Gibson got against him and was arrested again. A hearing is scheduled for later this month. Abe Foxman was too busy with his head up his ass to come up with a comment.
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A HinJew Wedding
 Angad Paul, youngest son of Indian steel baron Lord Swraj Paul, has taken a bride for himself. The Hindu executive producer of Madonna-hubby Guy Ritchie's acclaimed films Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch has tied the knot with Jewish entertainment lawyer Michelle Bonn.The rites were solemnised according to Hindu-Jewish tradition for Michelle is Jewish. "We had a Hindu ceremony followed by Jewish blessings," said Paul. The match could give new meaning to the title The Jew in the Lotus. I can only imagine what the comments on their Only Simchas page might look like.
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Black Don't Seem To Know Jack
Tenacious D's Jack Black exhibits his unfortunate ignorance of Judaism when he tells Female First:"I did some drugs and stuff but I was already into acting before that. I was doing cocaine and stuff but it was all just dying to fit in and to be 'hardcore'. [...] I volunteered for therapy. I was raised a Jew and never had confession, so I went in there and spilled my guts about all the things I was guilty about - stealing money from my mom to buy cocaine." Jack, bubbahleh, it's called Vidui. You don't have to confess to a stranger, only to G-d. Go hang with a Chabadnik or sumfin' and learn 'bout yer faith brah... It's all there waiting for you to find it.
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| Tuesday, October 12, 2004 |
Seeing Green
Seth Green is currently at work on a 20-episode as yet untitled stop-motion animation variety show for the Cartoon Network that will offer sketches lampooning pop culture. "It's like Saturday Night Live crossed with The Nightmare Before Christmas," Green told Entertainment Weekly. Um ... we can hardly wait.
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Bush-backing broadcaster compares Democrats to "Holocaust deniers"
Notorious Sinclair Broadcasting is ordering its 62 TV stations to run an anti-Kerry documentary, in this case also-known-as free advertising or a smear, shortly before the election.
Whether this violates federal election law or should prompt FCC review as an in-kind contribution to the Bush campaign is up for debate, but what's more interesting is the comments of Sinclair VP Mark Hyman, as aired on CNN:
"However, the accusations coming from Terry McAuliffe and others, is it because they are some elements of this that may reflect poorly on John Kerry? That it's somehow an in-kind contribution of George Bush? ...
"This is news. I can't change the fact that these people decided to come forward today. The networks had this opportunity over a month ago to speak with these people. They chose to suppress them. They chose to ignore them. They are acting like Holocaust deniers, pretending these men don't exist."
That comment sparked a swift condemnation from the ADL, which called the comment "grossly inappropriate," "insensitive" and "painful."
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Roseanne's Phil-ibuster
Apparently, Roseanne is still alive and the former domestic diva is not so fond of Dr. Phil. "I want to go on record and say that I hate Dr. Phil and I would fight a grudge match with him if I were a wrestler," she says. "Dr. Phil is just a used car salesman with barnyard psychology ... He's a fat slob talking about how to lose weight. Who wants to hear that? . . . I just hate Dr. Phil and his wife! ... He's just so stupid and the cause of the dumbing down of America ... He's just a huckster used car salesman, scam artist . . . I'd like to knock the [bleep] out of him! Dr. Phil is Hitler! I think he's Hitler reincarnated! When Dr. Phil and his wife had President Bush and his wife on their show, it was probably the scariest thing ever seen on television." C'mon, the scariest? We thought that accolade went to Roseanne's ill-fated 2003 reality show.
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The Coz controversy
Bill Cosby is apparently "jealous" of Muslims and wants to meet with controversial Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan. Could he be any more black?
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| Monday, October 04, 2004 |
Kabbalistic Red String: Not To Be Confused With Tampons
 According to Defamer, a new billboard is to be erected on Los Angeles' Sunset Blvd. to promote The Kabbalah Centre's latest foray into idiocy, The Red String Book. The newest work by junior cult leader Yehuda Berg, the book expounds upon the value of red string in warding off ayin hora — the evil eye.
In response to the billboard's design, one reader writes, "That logo for The Red String looks like an ad for some sort of newfangled tampon." To which Defamer so astutely replies, "While the red string bracelet is designed to repel the evil eyes cast by those that reject the light of the faithful, it is not approved for any feminine hygiene uses."
In related news, Lindsay Lohan has allgedly caught the evil eye from Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher for heeding the advice of her skeptical boyfriend, Wilmer Valderrama, and refusing the gift of a red string bracelet. G-d forbid the girl should have more sense than you two...
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The Zion King
 From the creators of Shrek comes a new animated film that's packed with Jewish stars. Although Madagascar -- which exposes the secret lives of animals (ala Father of the Pride) in the Central Park Zoo -- doesn't arrive in theaters until next summer, the trailer has already been posted online to whet your appetite. You'll get a glimpse of Ben Stiller as the lion, David Schwimmer as the giraffe, and -- get this -- Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Ali G). Sounds interesting.
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Candy freak
Miramax honcho and most influential Jew in show business (sorry, Spielberg) is blaming his life's woes on ... drumroll please ... M&M's. And, to think, they only became kosher not too long ago.
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You're fired ... again
Jennifer Crisafulli can't catch a break. The reality TV vixen was voted off of Donald Trump's The Apprentice for blaming her team's inability to succeed on "two old Jewish fat ladies ... jaded old bags." Now comes word that Crisafulli has been fired from her job at a NYC real estate firm because the company didn't want to associate itself with the offensive Crisafulli. "Lawyers across America...I need help," she said in an interview with the Albany Times Union. "Pro bono." Um ... she doesn't want to pay retail? Sounds pretty Jewish to me.
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Mel's minyan
Not all fans of The Passion of the Christ are seeking the truth -- some are actually looking for Mel Gibson's address. The controversial filmmaker has obtained a restraining order against a homeless man who was tracking Gibson down to pray with him. Apparently, Gibson isn't as spiritual as we once thought.
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When asked how his wife Maria Shriver, a lifetime Democrat, responded to his speech supporting President Bush at the Republican National Convention, Arnold Schwarzenegger had this to say: "
