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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Esther's Audit
Madonna wants to know what the Kabblah Center is spending her money on, as she is apparently disatisfied with their spending priorities. More on her ongoing fallout with the Bergs here.
posted by Mobius1ski | 1:58 PM | Link | (1) comments |
No Sharona
Bitty Schram, who splays the spunky sidekick Sharon on the USA network's hit series Monk, is leaving the detective business. "Monk has decided to go in a different creative direction with some of its characters," a USA spokesman said. "Bitty will not continue with the cast and we thank her for her notable contributions and wish her the very best." While the split sounds amicable, there have actually been rumblings in recent weeks that Schram wasn't happy with her current contract and had salary disputes. That may explain why a recently filmed episode didn't even have Schram in it.
posted by Benyamin | 10:29 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, August 30, 2004
The crappy Baldwin
Stephen Baldwin -- we have no idea which one that is -- has arrived in New York for the Republican National Convention to throw his support behind the Prez because they both share similar Christian values. "I'm there to support the man I believe has the most faith. That's who I'm voting for," Baldwin told the New York Post. "I believe the next president should be a guy who is being led by God. I believe there is one guy, and that's the guy I want to vote for." In recent years, Baldwin has reconnected with his faith and has even appeared in several movies produced for the purpose of Christian evangelizing. But, most Baldwin watchers don't think little Stephen's backing of Bush will do much good. After all, he did star in Bio-Dome. We wonder if God has yet to forgive him for that.
posted by Benyamin | 12:27 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Bible for B-listers
What do N.Y. Jets running back Curtis Martin, Star Jones, and Angela Bassett all have in common? No, not that. They're all regular attendees of the invitation-only celebrity Bible study groups held at the Christian Cultural Center in Brooklyn. Star Jones? C'mon, Kabbalah's celeb-cred so has them beat.
posted by Benyamin | 12:17 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Schwimmer gains weight
What's a guy to do when his number one rated sitcom goes off the air? Direct, of course. Friends' David Schwimmer has been tapped to direct the romantic comedy Run, Fat Boy, Run, the off-beat story of an overweight guy who leaves his bride at the altar only to decide he wants her back years later. And the running reference? Well that has something to do with said fat guy running the New York marathon in an attempt to win her back. The script, written by Ed's Michael Ian Black, is not the first directing gig for Schwimmer. He directed ten episodes of Friends and will be directing several episodes of the Friends-spinoff Joey. This is all well and good, but how does Rachel play into all of this?
posted by Benyamin | 11:57 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Until death do us part ... or maybe not
A guy shoots his fiancee and then turns the gun on himself. But family and friends want to remember them as a happy couple so they arranged for a posthumous wedding with the two corpses. How come this isn't on OnlySimchas?
posted by Benyamin | 11:45 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Adding a little spice
Kabbalah enthusiast Vitoria "Holy Crap I'm Hot" Beckham, the former Spice Girl (she was the Posh one) and wife of David Beckhman, is expecting her third child. And the family's ridiculous gene pool lives on. Yes, there is a God.
posted by Benyamin | 11:26 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Jesus lives
Brace yourself: Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ will get resurrected this week when it arrives on DVD. Huh? Mel Gibson made a movie about Jesus? Never heard of it.
posted by Benyamin | 11:17 AM | Link | (0) comments |
KISS and makeup
What have we done to deserve such an outpouring of love from the TV gods? A report has surfaced that KISS frontman and perennial Jewboy Gene Simmons will be getting a makeover -- gay style. Bravo has confirmed that it is in talks with the make-up wearing rocker to appear on an upcoming episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. If you don't already have a Tivo, get one. This is one hour of television you don't want to miss.
posted by Benyamin | 11:07 AM | Link | (0) comments |
The Madonna guest list: Plus three
Madonna's entourage during her upcoming High Holiday trip to the Holy Land has just gotten bigger. Earlier we reported that Demi and Ashton would be tagging along (and perhaps even tying the knot in a Tel Aviv Kabbalah ceremony -- Britney take notes!). Now comes word that Hugh "Van Helsing" Jackman, his wife Deborra-Lee Furness, and fashion icon Donna Karan will also be joining Queen Esther on her Israel pilgrimage. And, if you can't afford an El Al ticket to stalk the stars, not to worry. ABC's 20/20 will be documenting the whole trip. Yippee!!
posted by Benyamin | 11:00 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Madonna's kiss of death
Is there a curse against everyone's favorite Kabbalist?
posted by Benyamin | 2:02 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Funny ... he doesn't look Jewish
Thanks to Nextbook.org for pointing us to this story about Josh Hartnett. Apparently, he's set to film Lucky Number Sleven in which he'll play a Jewish gangster.
posted by Benyamin | 1:50 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Spielberg, the best thing since sliced bread
In a recent interview, Steven Spileberg claims to have invented the now ubiquitous PG-13 rating. In a related story, the uber-director has apologized for El Nino.
posted by Benyamin | 1:09 PM | Link | (0) comments |
The great American voice over
Jewish satirist and liberal radio show host Al Franken wants the world to shout -- at President Bush. He's planning the "Great American Shout Out," and is aking people to yell at the exact moment Bush accepts the nomination at the upcoming Republican National Convention. Out of "respect for the office of the presidency," he asked that participants quiet down once Bush begins speaking so "people can hear him give a bad speech."
posted by Benyamin | 1:01 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Sabbath brew
Perhaps, the first ever Sabbath-safe coffee machine?
posted by Benyamin | 3:30 PM | Link | (0) comments |
God hates Mel Gibson
A swarm of locusts invaded the small Italian town of Matera, the city where Mel Gibson filmed most of The Passion of the Christ. Too bad it happened now. The film's DVD has already been packaged and it's too late to do a "Miracles of the Passion" documentary as an added feature.
posted by Benyamin | 3:19 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Walking down memory lane
As if there was enough already written about rock legend Bob Dylan, the musician is now turning writer. He's penned his autobiography -- which, not surprisingly, will be a three volume set -- and it will be released this fall. He'll presumably discuss his fascination with all things religious, but there's still no word on whether he'll explain why he decided to be a Victoria's Secret spokesperson last year.
posted by Benyamin | 1:40 PM | Link | (0) comments |
The human stain
You thought the film about the last day of Christ's life was bad for the Jews, try this one on for size: There's a new German movie about the last two weeks of Hitler's life. The Downfall, which opens next month in German theaters, is one of the country's first attempts to characterize Hitler in a film. The movie is being criticized for its portrayal of a kind and human Hitler. Insert your own Hitler joke here.
posted by Benyamin | 1:38 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Gays can love Kabbalah too
Madonna's Next Best Thing co-star Rupert Everett apparently approves of Esther's Kabbalah fixation: "It's made her much, much softer," he says.
posted by Benyamin | 6:31 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Yep, I'm God
Elen DeGeneres has been tapped to play the role of God in a remake of the 1977 John Denver/George Burns classic Oh, God!. Rosie O'Donnell could not be reached for comment.
posted by Benyamin | 12:45 PM | Link | (0) comments |
The pot calling the kettle black
Scientologist Tom Cruise calls psychiatry a cult.
posted by Benyamin | 12:40 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
The village
Hundreds of residents of the tiny Iranian village of Negel have stopped working and tending their farms in protest to the recent theft of their holiest object -- a 1,300-year-old copy of the Koran. They are hoping their inactivity will spur local officials to hunt down the thieves. Since when did inactivity spur local officials?
posted by Benyamin | 11:04 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Meet the in-laws
After marrying Josh Brolin in a secret ceremony, Diane Lane now has Barbra Streisand for a mother-in-law. It'll be good practice for Babs, who will soon be seen in the in-law themed sequel to Meet the Parents called Meet the Fockers.
posted by Benyamin | 11:35 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Flip-flopper
At a recent concert, Madonna changed between a variety fo similarly-themed t-shirts including ones that read "Kabbalists Do It Better," "Italians Do It Better," and "Brits Do It Better." Said one fan: "I guess she thinks Italian Brits who study Kabbalah do It best."
posted by Benyamin | 11:19 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, August 16, 2004
Kabbalah loses another one
Pop singer Brandy says she's interested in Scientology. That's not too strange. After all, seeking a cult to latch onto is what most celebs on the rebound do. The funniest part of the story is this quote from cult watcher Rick Ross: "Things are looking up for Scientology in its competition with Kabbalah for celebrities," says Ross. "Brandy is a viable star and it's been a long time since Scientology snagged a good one." Wait ... Brandy is a viable star?
posted by Benyamin | 11:40 AM | Link | (1) comments |
Check mate
The sordid saga of chess champ Bobby Fischer continues. The wanted American wants to marry a Japanese woman and renounce his U.S. citizenship. Producers of the E! True Hollywood Story were seen salivating at the news.
posted by Benyamin | 11:35 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Friday, August 13, 2004
Portman's poop
Harvard educated Jewish actress Natalie Portman uses the word "doody". World goes on. Film at 11.
posted by Benyamin | 2:43 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Thou shalt not make sex videos
God unleashes his wrath on Paris Hilton. World goes on. Film at 11.
posted by Benyamin | 2:41 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Can I get some respect?
Thanks to Nextbook.org for alerting us to the fact that comedian Rodney Dangerfield, born Jacob Cohen, has a history of getting no respect. It seems his mother was rarely proud of him -- except for his Bar Mitzvah.
posted by Benyamin | 2:09 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Silverman's second coming
Sarah Silverman, our favorite Jewish comedienne, has just inked a deal to turn her hit off- Broadway show "Jesus is Magic" into a film. "I'm thrilled to be able to put this crap on film," she told Jewsweek.
posted by Benyamin | 12:28 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Where's Christ?
From Reuters:

A man who said Mel Gibson's film "The Passion of The Christ" led him to confess that he murdered his girlfriend pleaded guilty to the crime in a Texas court on Wednesday.


But doesn't Jesus atone for all of our sins?
posted by Benyamin | 12:13 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Holy water
Word is that among her demands at a recent Ireland concert Madonna requested 25 cases of bottled Kabbalah water. "That's a lot of water for a one-day concert," a source told MSNBC. "I've heard some Kabbalah followers bathe in Kabbalah water." We've heard some Kabbalah followers are nuts.
posted by Benyamin | 11:47 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
A bloody massacre
Spielberg's reps are now denying that the famed director has halted production on his docudrama of the 1972 Olympic massacre because of terror threats. Instead, they say, it's because Spielberg has hired Angels in America scribe Tony Kushner to pen a new script. Production is now set to start next summer. Did Gibson have all these problems with his flick?
posted by Benyamin | 9:56 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Rockin' Bush
The head of entertainment (entertainment?) for the upcoming Republican National Convention is, according to the New York Times, the "former president of the Gospel Music Association renowned in the Christian music industry" who says that he "expected the convention to be heavy with gospel, country and Broadway music, and with patriotic music." Gospel? We hear some rumblings from the church-state diehards.
posted by Benyamin | 12:28 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Douglas' drug death
Authorities on Monday revealed the obvious: Kirk Douglas' son died of a drug overdose. Coming up at 11: Weather determines temperature.
posted by Benyamin | 11:04 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, August 09, 2004
So everybody does find God in jail
Thanks to Text goes hereJewschool for pointing us to this storystory in the venerable pages of the New York Times about former P. Diddy protege Shyne who has taken up Sabbath observance while serving a prison sentence for a shooting. The rapper-wannabe claims his grandmother was an Ethiopian Jew and he's trying to do her proud. We're guessing that while she may be proud her grandson's newfound Judaism, she's probably not telling the sisterhood about her grandson the prisoner.
posted by Benyamin | 3:22 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Sunday, August 08, 2004
A DVD about nothing
The first three seasons of Seinfeld will finally be released on DVD on November 23rd. Among the extras will be cast-member commentaries, deleted scenes and bloopers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
posted by Benyamin | 9:33 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Madonna goes shark jumping
Madonna has reportedly donated $22 million to start the Kabbalist Grammar School For Children on New York's tony Upper East Side. Start em young, Madonna, start em young.
posted by Benyamin | 9:32 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Boobs for Bush
Natalie Portman is trying anything she can to show her support for John Kerry in the upcoming election -- even guerrilla marketing. She showed up for to promote her new film on The Charlie Rose Show, Good Morning America and CBS's The Early Show wearing a Kerry t-shirt. Both Good Morning America and The Early Show showed tight shots of Portman's head and used flowers to block the message, but The Charlie Rose Show allowed her message to be seen. C'mon ... blocking Portman's chest? What kind of tyrannical country are we living in?
posted by Benyamin | 10:36 AM | Link | (0) comments |
'Curb' ball part deux
We first reported to you back in June that murder charges against Juan Catalan were dropped because he had the perfect alibi: He was at Dodgers stadium when Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm was filming an episode there and he was on tape at the stadium and not the murder scene. Now comes word that Catalan is suing the L.A. police department for screwing with his life. At the time of the initial arrest, David had this to say: "I tell people that I've done one decent thing in my life, albeit inadvertently."
posted by Benyamin | 10:00 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Fountain springs
British babe Rachel Weisz (The Mummy, About a Boy) has signed on to star in The Fountain ooposite Hugh Jackman. The film, a sci-fi love story, is set to start filming in November. Producers of the upcoming House of Sand and Fog: Revenge of the Mummy were reportedly upset at the news.
posted by Benyamin | 9:49 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Travolta's teacher rakes it in

Gabe "Welcome Back Kotter" Kaplan is a happy man these days. He just finished third out of 281 players at the Mirage Poker Showdown in Vegas. He won more than a quarter million dollars. Not bad for a washed up sitcom star.
posted by Benyamin | 3:38 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Lights for 'Illuminated'
Shooting wraps this weekend on the Prague set of Everything is Illuminated, the celebrated coming-of-age story about a young Jewish expat by Jonathan Safran Foer. The film, starring Elijah Wood, is the directorial debut of member of the tribe Liev Schreiber (who can currently be seen scaring audiences in The Manchurian Candidate). The film is set to come out sometime next year.
posted by Benyamin | 12:24 PM | Link | (0) comments |
We are here to ... [clap] ... beat you up
California governator Arnold tells Fortune magazine that growing up under the tyranical rule of his Nazi father was tough even for the future action star. "My hair was pulled. I was hit with belts. So was the kid next door," he said. "Many of the children I've seen were broken by their parents, which was the German-Austrian mentality."
posted by Benyamin | 11:40 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Spielberg curbs 'Vengeance'
Steven Spielberg has reportedly postponed production on Vengeance, his docudrama on the 1972 Munich Olympics massacre where Palestinians killed 11 athletes. The director is said to be worried about security concerns on the set; after all, one of the Palestinian militants from that fateful day is still on the loose. The postponement has caused Ben Kingsley to drop out of the film for scheduling conflicts. Hasn't anybody told Spielberg: If you postpone the movie, it's like the terrorists have already won.
posted by Benyamin | 11:23 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Dude, where's my car?
Which is harder -- parallel parking or studying scripture?
posted by Benyamin | 10:08 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Power priests
The Church of Greece is deploying a team of their best priests to be spiritual cheerleaders for Orthodox atheletes attending the Olympic Games there later this month. We assume they mean Orthodox Christians.
posted by Benyamin | 10:05 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Get thee to a nunnery
Reuters reports:

A Malawian court convicted a Catholic priest and a nun of disorderly conduct Thursday after they were caught engaged in a sexual act in a parked car with tinted windows.


Please tell us there was a reality TV show camera nearby.
posted by Benyamin | 10:03 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Stuart Smalley returns to television
Jewish satirist Al Franken is returning to TV. No, not to Saturday Night Live. The Associated Press reports: "Beginning Sept. 7, The Al Franken Show, heard live each weekday from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Air America Radio, will also be taped for airing in a one-hour edition on Sundance each night at 10:30 p.m." Wait ... let's get this straight. They're trying to grow their audience and their going on the Sundance Channel?
posted by Benyamin | 9:37 AM | Link | (0) comments |
Monday, August 02, 2004
Overscene
Yankees catcher Jorge Posada was seen purchasing some kosher steaks from upscale Manhattan eatery Solo. Maybe he was having Madonna over for dinner.
posted by Benyamin | 12:24 PM | Link | (0) comments |
Let's clone Natalie
Dr. Avner Herschlag, better known as Natalie Portman's dad, is shopping around a script called Misconception, a thriller about mad a doctor who swipes the eggs of the first female President. Man ... those Portmans are always trying to make political statements.
posted by Benyamin | 12:17 PM | Link | (0) comments |
From the life imitates art dept.
Actor/director Vincent Gallo's next on-screen role will be in a film called Mary, which is about a director making a movie about Jesus. Take that, Mel.
posted by Benyamin | 11:52 AM | Link | (0) comments |
The Zohar must be rolling over in his grave
Thank God for the zoom lens. Defamer posts a photo of Britney carrying a $415 copy of the Zohar. We're not sure which is worse -- Britney hijacking our religion or the fact that she paid so much for a copy of the Zohar. (c/o Jewschool)
posted by Benyamin | 11:26 AM | Link | (0) comments |
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