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| Monday, May 31, 2004 |
The plane truth
Two preachers grounded a flight leaving Buffalo, New York, after they frightened passengers by declaring the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks were a good reason to pray. First they're in the airports and now they're on the planes. Is there anywhere we can go anymore where we're not bombarded with people making us feel guilty?
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KISS and make up
 KISS frontman and, apparently, spokesperson for his fellow Jews, ticked off the Muslim community recently when, in a radio interview, he said this of Muslim society: "This is a vile culture and if you think for a second that it's willing to just live in the sands of God's armpit you've got another thing coming. They want to come and live right where you live and they think that you’re evil." After realizing he was a complete and utter idiot (and that he probably put a big bullseye on his back), he later released this clarification: "I was asked about extremists," Simmons said. "And that's what I was talking about -- only extremists."
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Miriam and Max would be proud
Hollywood's most bodacious Jewish moguls, Bob and Harvey Weinstein, have snatched the rights to the film they originally financed -- Michael Moore's scathing anti-Bush doc Farenheit 9/11 which won the coveted Palm D'or at the recent Cannes Film Festival. The Weinsteins had been embroiled in an ownership battle with Disney after they refused to distribute the film. As well, the Weinsteins have decided that any profits from the film's distribution that go to Miramax or Disney will be donated to charity. An interesting footnote: After seeing Moore's Oscar-winning Bowling for Columbine, our buddy Mel Gibson actually wanted to finance Moore's next film, but when he found out it would put his beloved right-wing conservatives in a bad light, he opted out, paving the way for the Weinsteins to come in. And to think, if he had been busy with this film, he may not have made The Passion.
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| Sunday, May 30, 2004 |
Girls gone wild
 After consecutive sold out performances in Manhattan and on tour, "Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad" returns to Fez for a summer long festival of unconventional chosen chicks, a wicked combination of comedy, music, spoken word, burlesque and short films. Beginning June 7th, each week will bring with it a brand new extravaganza, featuring short films by Amy Sohn and the late Sarah Jacobson, a reading by author Wendy Shanker, celebrating the release of her new book, "A Fat Girl's Guide to Life" plus steamy summer camp confessions. We've said it before and we'll say it again: Where were these girls when we were in Hebrew school?
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Strike a pose
 Madonna started off her Reinvention tour last week and said that she would sing Kabbalah-inspired songs while "simulating sex with a female tango dancer." Ok, so we understand she's into Kabbalah, but where did the lesbian aspect come into play? Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, ever the one to mince words, put it this way in an op-ed he wrote exhorting the head of the Kabbalah Centre to dump the Material Girl. "Earth to Phillip Berg: Do us all a favor and dump Madonna as your principal spokesperson. Sorry to be so crass, but Madonna is a slut." Ah ... Shmuley and Madonna in the same Yada post -- could life be any better?
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| Tuesday, May 25, 2004 |
Money matters
Hitler's sole surviving heir doesn't want any royalties from sales of Mein Kampf. Well, as Cynthia McKinney would say, "We'll take it."
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Tears for fears
Several statues of Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary in an Australian hall have apparently begun weeping and bleeding rose oil, prompting the Catholic Church to launch an investigation, a church official said on Tuesday. Why do supernatural occurrences like this only happen to Christians?
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Kosher chameleon
 Thanks to the Jewschool blog for pointing us in the direction of perhaps the juciest tidbit this side of the Mississippi. Britney Spears has reportedly gone kosher and we have Madonna to thank for it. "Britney is following in the footsteps of Madonna and Winona Ryder, who all stick to Kosher food. She just feels so much healthier. As well as mot of the dishes being prepared with vegetable oil, Britney also avoids eating gelatine. Britney did the Atkins diet for a while, but then thought better of it. She just can't be bothered with serious diets and would much rather stick to one routine when it comes to food," a source was quoted as saying. When you think about it, this is big news. Most Jews don't even keep kosher.
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Millions of wrongs don't make it un-Christian
Oh them silly Christian kids. It turns out they're just as likely to engage in online piracy as the next, decidedly unsaved, kid. You'll need a Salon subscription to read the full article, but the basic gist is this. Christian kids illegally download music and movies at more or less the same rate as non-Christian kids. That's got moral leaders in a huff, because downloading Amy Grant's new hit single without paying for it is not just illegal -- it's immoral.
Tell that to the people who made Passion of the Christ the number one illegally downloaded film online. Two questions here: Will this prompt some to get off their moral high horse and stop acting as if "the saved" are somehow morally superior? Is it really wrong to spread the Gospel illegally?
I can't wait to see the movie Saved!
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One sour photo
Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson apparently never attended Auschwitz Summer Camp. Matt Drudge reports that in an essay on the images of prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib, a line was reportedly cut from Thompson's regular ESPN column for going "too far": Here's the line in all its original glory: "Not even the foulest atrocities of Adolf Hitler ever shocked me so badly as these photographs did."
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Shrek slays Jesus. Film at 11.
Thank God for Shrek. The animated film unseated Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ as the strongest opening for a film in 2004 beating The Passion's $89.3 million opening weekend grosses with $129 million. And, unlike Gibson, Dreamworks is already working on two more installments. This must be great news for Shrek 2's Orthodox screenwriter David Weiss.
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Star power
George Clooney, Russell Crowe, Tom Hanks, and Hugh Jackman are all names of potential leading men mentioned recently to star in the film adaptation of the runaway religious novel The Da Vinci Code. Just what we need -- another Jesus epic.
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| Monday, May 24, 2004 |
Israeli eishet chayil
 Let's all root for Gal Gadot, Israel's delegate for the Miss Universe competition. After all, her hero is Kabbalah-crazed Madonna, so, really people, how crazy can she be?
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The Christian Jewsweek
 Thanks to our friends over at the Jewschool blog for bringing this juicy item to our attention. In reponse to the recent success of Revolve, a Christian-based magazine for women, the same company is now producing Refuel, a self-proclaimed "BibleZine" that "is a totally cool new way for teen guys to read the Bible." The premiere issue includes such topics as "Inside Her Head: Real Girls Give Their Opinions," "Dive In: How to Make Your Faith Real," and "240 Ways to Walk the Walk." Sounds positively riveting.
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| Sunday, May 23, 2004 |
Passion payback
It seems ABC has got some serious passion for Mel Gibson. The network has picked up a sitcom called "The Savages" for the fall season about a father and his five rambunctious sons, produced by none other than Gibson himself. Critics are crying foul because they believe ABC gave Gibson the show as payback for allowing Diane Sawyer have the exclusive pre-Passion interview with Gibson.
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'Control' freaks
Ever wonder what goes on behind the scenes at Al Jazeera, the Arab news network? Well, now you can find out. A new documentary, entitled Control Room, provides a "gripping" look at the news network.
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| Friday, May 21, 2004 |
A Webisode about nothing
The new Jerry Seinfeld-Superman Webisode is now online. It features Seinfeld and Superman on a cross-country road trip. In other Seinfeld news, early word is that the long-awaited DVD of the sitcom will be released this November.
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Family reunion
Family Guy, the animated cartoon that has built up a cult following since it went off the air in 2002, is getting a second lease on life. Due to the staggering popularity of reruns airing on the Cartoon Network nightly at 11:30 -- the show actually beats out Leno and Letterman in the coveted 18-34 demographic -- the series will be returning with a whopping 35 new episodes beginning early next year. No word yet on whether they will finally air the all-too-controversial Jew-friendly episode called "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein."
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Long live Jesus ... not
Apparently, The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown said his controversial Catholic book was actually supposed to be more controversial. At a New Hampshire fundraiser this week, Brown said he originally wanted to put in material alleging that Jesus Christ survived the crucifixion. To date, The Da Vinci Code has sold 7.5 million copies worldwide and is expected to be made into a movie. Take that, Mel Gibson.
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Still in 'Development'
Mazal tov to member of the tribe Jeffrey Tambor. His critical darling of a show, Arrested Development, has been picked up for another season. So, as it turns out, the suits at Fox aren't as stupid as we originally thought.
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Israel is too real
Madonna has changed her mind about a planned summer concert in Israel. She's now decided it's too dangerous to perform in the war-torn country. "I know Madonna really wanted to go there but perhaps the political climate has been a bit difficult to plan such a huge undertaking in that area," spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg said.
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Madonna has officially jumped the shark
Man, Madonna is really taking this Kabbalah thing seriously. Everyone's favorite Kabbalist was photographed wearing a T-shirt with the words "Cult Member" on it. And now comes word that she gave her son Rocco an upsherin, the first haricut given to a three-year-old Jewish boy. Although her son had his third birthday on August 11, 2003, she waited until May 9th, the yahrtzeit of one of Kabbalah's founders. What is she smoking?
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| Monday, May 17, 2004 |
Cartoon Jesus
 People strolling through the aisles of Blockbuster on August 31st may be a bit confused. In addition to seeing the new release of Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ they will also notice an animated version called The Passion of the Jew by the creators of South Park. The 30-minute episode will be bundled with two other religious themed South Park episodes -- "Red Hot Catholic Love" and "Christian Hard Rock."
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| Sunday, May 16, 2004 |
Wigging out
In response to the new rabbinic ban on wigs from idol-worshippers in India, an entrepreneurial minded person is selling 45,000 wigs on eBay. And this from the seller's description: "Seller takes no responsibility for any injuries, damage, harm or detriment that may result due to the presence of satanic or modern-orthodox spirits hovering in or around the wigs." Fancy Indian wig? $5,000. A shmuck using eBay to hawk the banned item? Priceless.
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| Thursday, May 13, 2004 |
The Catholic Jesse James
A Catholic priest in Mexico shot the mayor of a small village after the two got into a drunken brawl during a local religious festival. "It seems they were arguing, these two men. They were at a get-together, they had words and the priest shot the mayor. They were apparently both in a state of drunkenness," said Guerrero state spokesman Jesus Nava. Man, can this story be any more Christian?
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| Wednesday, May 12, 2004 |
The Not So Miraculous Porch Light
Though thousands have flocked to the tiny hospital where the image resides, the Vatican is officially declaring the ghostly image of the Virgin of Guadalupe not a miracle. Apparently the figure shows up every night when the patio light is switched on at Social Security Clinic No. 32.
Because the image is essentially just a shadow cast by the patio light, the Catholic Church does not consider it miraculous, though it is pleased the image "serves to strengthen the faith of the believers."
In other news, Joe Jonah Goldilocks got his porch light to make a 20-foot tall Moses. The Chief Rabbi of Israel (Ashkenazi that is) will be flying over to inspect the miraculous porch. No, really...
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The search for Spock's sechel
When will Leonard Nimoy stop bombarding us with his naked-women-in-tefillin fetish? The former Mr. Spock is at it again -- his controversial photos are on display this month at the R. Michelson Galleries in Northampton, Mass. "At the heart of it all is the fact that I was trying to really completely enter into the world of the feminine," says the 73-year-old Nimoy. Um, can someone get this guy a Queer Eye makeover?
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The young and the restless
The sordid soap opera of a life led by the Olsen twins continues. As we first reported, the two were both dating Jewish guys and then we found out that Ashley dumpeddumped her member of the tribe because he was always jealous of her popularity. Now comes word that Mary-Kate's Jewish beau, the son of Dreamworks chief Jeffrey Katzenberg, was caught cheating with two other women. What kind of crazy world do we live in when a guy who's actually dating an Olsen twin cheats on her? God save us all.
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| Tuesday, May 11, 2004 |
Kravitz goes to 'Barbecues and Bar Mitzvahs'
Oh, we wish it was a joke -- perhaps a politely crafted lampooning for an upcoming South Park episode, but, alas, it isn't. Barbecues and Bar Mitzvahs is officially and genuinely Lenny Kravitz's cinematic debut. The film will be semi-biographical of Mr. Kravitz, who is the scion of a Jewish father and a black mother (who starred as an interracial couple on The Jeffersons). Torn between two cultures, Kravitz turned to music and we were all err... blessed, with his tunes.
Now, will this be a good movie, we don't know. One request, however: Change the name Lenny. Fer cryin' out loud, change the frigin' name! Oh yeah, and thanks to Nextbook for tipping us off.
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When hell freezes over
Heavy metal rockers Megadeth are trading in devil worship for a pair of angel's wings. The band, which will drop a new CD in September, is taking a more religious route with their music. "I have believed in God for years, just never was too vocal about it," writes frontman Dave Mustaine in a post on the band's Web site. "Until my arm fell apart I had no need for him. Since then, I have changed my mind and opened it [and] great things have happened for me."
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Jesus Christ, movie star
Rumor has it that shock rocker Marilyn Manson will be playing the role of a reefer-smokng Jesus in an upcoming dark comedy called Diamond Dead. The ADL's Abe Foxman couldn't be reached for comment but sources say he hopes to promote the bejeezus out of the film.
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Bikers Plan "Guilt Trip"
 BusinessWire reports,In honor of Mother's Day, South Florida's Jewish Motorcycle Riding Club, King David Bikers (KDB), will leave the Rascal House in Boca Raton this Sunday at 11:30 AM for their ride they are calling "The Guilt Trip."
"What better way to show mom you love her than by showing her you've broken her grip and your years of therapy have paid off?" says KDB President, Jeff Mustard. Cute idea. I just think it's kind of retarded for a motorcycle gang to have a press agent. I mean, ooooh, scary! What're you gonna do if you get into fisticuffs with a rival gang? Call your lawyers? Whaddaya, keep your brass knuckles next to your Palm Pilots? (c/o Shappy)
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Mr. Ed, meet Mrs. Ed
A Polish man was fatally bitten by sexually aroused horse. We wish we could say there was some sort of Jewish reference here but, alas, all we could find is that the biting in question took place in Warsaw so, hey, you never know.
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Crystal meth-od
 Billy Crystal is looking for a Broadway home for his new one-man show "700 Sundays...Billy Crystal...A Life in Progress," based on the time he spent with his dad before his passing when Billy was 15. In the performace, set to open in November, Crystal tells several family stories including the time Louis Armstrong came to the Crystals' Passover seder.
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The princess and the pauper
A New York woman who posed in high-society circles as a Saudi Arabian princess was indicted on charges she stole more than a quarter of a million dollars in an insurance scam. Stealing from the Saudis? What's wrong with that?
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Women of valor
In a fascinating profile of Hollywood's obsession with all things Kabbalah, the New Republic's Yossi Klein Halevi goes undercover at the Los Angeles Kabbalah Centre and catches Madonna and Demi Moore attending a recent seudah shlishit (third meal) on a typical Shabbat. Man, most Jewish women don't even go to seudah shlishit.
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Pig latin
Stop the presses. It seems Madonna has backed out of a deal where she had originally agreed to make pig noises for dance music master Aphex Twin's upcoming album. No word on whether the fact that pigs are incredibly treif had any bearing on the newly devout Madonna.
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Meet Pete the porno puppet
 What do two pastors and a pornographer have in commmon? No, this isn't the opening of a joke. Craig Gross and Mike Foster (two pastors) and James DiGiorgio (a pornographer) have teamed up to create a public service announcement to tell the world about their new site, XXXchurch.com, a "Christian porn site" to educate Web surfers about the addictiveness of porn and the damage it can do to a person's life. Now why can't Aish HaTorah put up a site like this?
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| Thursday, May 06, 2004 |
Head bangers
Heavy metal will meet the Old Testament at a Calgary church this Sunday as an unconventional pastor bangs home the message of anger and forgiveness through the music of Metallica. Now why can't rabbis' sermons be like this?
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Israel, you're hired!
Donald Trump has agreed to be the grand marshall of New York's Israeli Day Parade on May 23. "Israel has gone through a lot, and it's my honor," said the billionaire.
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| Wednesday, May 05, 2004 |
Fiddler on the roof ... with Spider Man
Actor Alfred Molina on the common ground he found between playing Tevye on Broadway's Fiddler on the Roof and Dr. Octopus, Spider-Man's arch nemesis in this summer's sequel: "While filming Spider-Man, I was working with my singing teacher to learn the songs for Fiddler. And one day we were shooting a scene where Doc Ock wakes up on a gurney after tentacle arms have been fused onto him, and I have to scream, and the tentacles are flying, and I'm on wires, coming up like a ghost. On the last take, as I was elevated and the tentacles started moving, I sang: 'If I were a rich man ... ' I think it'll wind up on the DVD."
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Olsen dumps Jew! Oh my!
This just in: After we reported last week that the Olsen twins are both dating hunky Jewish guys, it seems one of them has already called it kaputs. The New York Post reports that Ashley Olsen has dumped Columbia quarterback Matt Kaplan. In other news, male members of JDate have started an "Ashley, We're Available" petition.
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Mouse house of prayer
So much for the theory that The Passion of the Christ would throw Mel Gibson's career down the toilet. Some mysterious European investors are trying to get the Christian mogul to be the new head of Disney. "We were very impressed with the way Gibson handled The Passion of the Christ," one insider said. Gibson running one of the world's biggest media companies? Oy vey.
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Where's the OnlySimchas post?
Despite rumors to to contary, reps for Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are denying that the two Jewish-obsessed celebs got hitched at an April retreat in Florida sponsored by the New York Kabbalah Centre. "It's not true. They went down there for Passover holiday," the spokesman insists. Oh, and the fact that these two non-Jews are celebrating Passover is totally normal.
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| Tuesday, May 04, 2004 |
Britney lo midaberet good Hebrew
 Apparently, Britney Spears can't read Hebrew. Sources told the London Sun that the pop diva had a tattoo with Hebrew letters on the back of her neck, but "they are absolute gibberish," a source told the paper. By placing the Hebrew letters mem, heh, and shin, "She had hoped it would say 'new year' or 'new era'. It seems she's got the words the wrong way round." If only Madonna was there to set her straight.
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| Monday, May 03, 2004 |
Terminator in Israel
Still trying to prove he's not an anti-Semite despite the fact that his dad worked for Hitler, California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger took a PR trip to Israel. Trying to keep everyone happy, he also scheduled a private lunch with King Abdullah II, a personal friend who has visited his California home.
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Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is the latest celeb to convert to the religion ... er, we mean cult of 
Mazal tov to member of the tribe Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, on the birth of a baby daughter named 