July / august 2006:

The Answer Maven
Well, dear readers, news of my upcoming nuptials has spread and I’ve been inundated with reader questions (after all, I am the answer maven), giving me an easy topic for this issue’s answer maven conundrums — weddings.

Story by Chanie Cohen | Illustration by Fred Harper



Q: Help! My fiancé is from Los Angeles, I’m from Atlanta. Right now, I live in the Big Apple, and he is working in Chicago for the next few months. Where do we hold the wedding?

Can you say geographically challenged? The easiest way to go about this kind of thing is to have a destination wedding, so that everyone (or no one, depending on how cheap your family and friends are) has to fly in. When the wedding is in one person’s hometown, a kind of turf war can ensue. By putting the wedding in a faraway location, the playing field is level even before the games begin.

You’ve also got to consider how close the hall or hotel is to an airport. The last thing your guests want is to travel to some remote destination by car after they’ve already traveled to some remote destination by plane. One of my best pals is actually a bridesmaid at a wedding taking place in the Sequoia National Forest, five hours from the nearest airport. And I can never forget the girl who wanted to get married at the top of Mammoth Mountain and then ski down as newlyweds. You really think Granny Faye wants to take a ski lift up to the chupah?

Q: Everything was going fine until I got engaged. Then I started spiraling out of control with all the wedding plans, not to mention how many times I’ve fought with my fiancé over the color of the tablecloths at our reception. I’m stressed out. How do I keep from totally turning into Bridezilla?

Whoa. Take a deep breath and count to three. Doesn’t that feel better already? Now read on for some more tips to assuage your wedding woes.

Premarital counseling: No joke, this one’s for real. Planning a marriage (or more correctly put, a merger) of two different families from two different backgrounds can be as difficult as gluing Jell-O to a tree (I’ve tried it, it’s hard). Especially when there are feelings and egos involved.

Set a schedule: A fantastic website to help plan your wedding is TheKnot.com. You simply plug in your wedding date and presto — you have your very own customized wedding to-do list. (For those of you who read my column religiously, you know how big a fan I am of customization). You can even schedule in your own personalized tasks that they haven’t thought of (i.e. make sleeves of bridesmaid dresses “temple-ready”) and have them send you e-mail reminders. They even have a budget planner. Don’t try to get everything done at once. Make a list of what you have to do, and then prioritize.

Down time with your honey: This is crucial. With all of the hullabaloo (I know some of you will appreciate this — Microsoft Word actually recognizes that as a real word) surrounding the engagement, it’s hard to remember the last time you two went out to an expensive dinner. Better yet, go on a short day trip, close enough that you can drive there in an hour or two, and far away enough that you can forget how close you are to home.

Stay out of it: Try to leave as much of the wedding details to the pros as possible. But, you ask, what about the control freaks (you’re looking at her, or, more accurately, reading her column) who have to be a part of every detail, right down to arranging the centerpieces? Well, then follow these easy steps. 1) Instead of starting from scratch, tell the florist your favorite flower and have her make up a few arrangements to show you. 2) Pick one. And as for your fiancé, why does he have to know anything? Ignorance is bliss, my friends, especially when it comes to choosing tablecloth colors. Don’t even bother mentioning to him that there are tablecloth choices. You think during your first dance together, he’s going to glance over and say, “Honey, I really would have preferred the taupe ones ...” Give the groom one or two important jobs (like booking your wedding night hotel), and leave him out of the rest.

Q: How many showers would you say is too many showers?

There is no such thing as too many showers. Once you get past the uncanny likeness of your bridal shower to your niece’s five-year-old birthday party (Ok kids, time to open the presents!), showers mean one thing. Presents. Lots of them. So if your mother-in-law’s book club wants to throw you a kitchen shower, gezuntaheit. Though it can seem like two hours of misery at the time, you will totally appreciate not having to buy yourself virtually anything in your brand new home. One piece of advice though — just don’t let your granny’s condo friends from Boca throw you a lingerie shower.


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