May / June 2006:

THE ANSWER MAVEN
During the past few months, we’ve received an inordinate amount of reader mail asking questions about the sordid world of online Jewish dating. So we’ve decided to devote an entire issue’s answer column to said topic in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, we can help find you a match made in heaven.

Story by Chanie Cohen | Illustration by Fred Harper



Q: Um, exactly how honest do you have to be when writing your online profile?

Ah, the online dating question of all online dating questions. Let’s get one thing straight before I digress, online dating is not an opportunity to meet your fantasy mate by pretending to be someone you’re not. It is, however, a way for people to get to know a bit about you before you actually meet. That being said, you don’t want to disappoint by stretching the truth too much in your profile (i.e. setting your potential match up for a letdown on the first encounter). For example, carrying around your yellowing JCC membership card from six years ago in your wallet does not qualify as “enjoys athletic lifestyle”; nor does watching sports on TV (especially when said sports are eating contests on Spike TV). And when it comes to describing physical appearance, the closer you are to the actual truth the better.

How so, you ask? The tried and true formula goes something like this (excerpted and paraphrased from my award winning manual on Jewish online dating entitled Beshert Dot Com): If you think you’re actually an 8 on the universal hotness scale, then describe yourself as a 7. Come time for the first meeting, your date will be pleasantly surprised and they’ll think you’re alluringly demure. If however, you’re a 6, and you describe yourself as a 10+, then come time for the first meeting, your date will think you senselessly delusional.

Allow me a moment — after all, this is my column — to elaborate with a little anecdote from my dark dating past. On a certain website (that, for the sake of my job, will remain nameless), I had agreed to meet a guy for dinner, who was all hotness in his picture. In his profile, he also wrote that he was 5’6” — perfect for my diminutive 4’11”. On the evening of our first date (did I say first? I think I meant to say only), he shows up at my door, and here’s the kicker, dear readers, I was looking down at him. Or more accurately, looking down at his bald spot.

Q: I just started seeing someone that I met through an online dating service. It’s not really serious yet, but is it ethical to keep my profile up online once I’ve started seeing someone?

There’s a simple formula for this one. I believe there’s nothing wrong with keeping your online dating profile up while you are “seeing someone” just as there is nothing wrong with going out on two first dates in one week. But when you begin to introduce this person as your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s time to retire the ol’ profile. Indeed, most dating websites will allow you to suspend your dating profile for as long as you like without taking it completely off the site. Saw You at Sinai, a website that matches singles through matchmakers, actually allows you to change your status daily (available, dating, engaged, deranged, etc.) so that you can keep your profile up but let the matchmakers know you’re currently seeing someone.

Q: There are so many Jewish dating websites out there. Which do you recommend (and more importantly, where can you find the cutest guys)?

Unfortunately, I can’t vouch for level of cuteness, but my top three picks are:

JDate: This one is the most inclusive. Here’s where you’re most likely to find any kind of Jew (or a non-Jew looking to date a Jew) — Reform, Orthodox, Latino, businessmen, artists, garbage men — anyone from Mark, that 30-something investment banker from your synagogue, to your recently divorced Aunt Fanny.

Frumster: This one is designed specifically for the marriage minded. No casual dating allowed. It also caters heavily to the Orthodox bunch, and they’ve invented myriad subsets of Orthodoxy (what’s the difference between modern orthodox and modern orthodox?) to fine tune your search.

Saw You at Sinai: Here you can post your profile, pick a matchmaker, and have them search for potential mates for you. Sort of the old-fashioned way of doing things, with a modern spin as all communication is done online. Saves you the trouble of sorting through the heap ... and the trouble of having to decline Mr. More Nose Hair than Chest Hair yourself.



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