March / April 2006:

The AJL Style Guide
Our AJL fashionista answers your style quandaries. This month: The perfect Purim costume, Passover seder etiquette, and the elusive black hat.

Story by Chanie Cohen | Illustration by Fred Harper


#1: Ugh! Purim is coming soon and I still don’t have a costume. Forget the fact that my six-year-old is going to lose the costume contest at our synagogue again (that curly-haired little brat Robyn wins it every year), what am I going to do for the rest of the kids, my husband, and myself? Is there such thing as a tasteful, yet clever costume? And PLEASE don’t tell me Queen Esther’s evil twin!

Clever I can do. Tasteful? Eh, not so much. But I’ll give it a shot. First things first, when it comes to a Purim costume, you have to think outside the box, explore new frontiers, boldly go where no one has gone before (enough metaphors yet? Sorry, I have a 500 minimum word count to shoot from, I mean for. There. That’s better.)

So that being said, Queen Esther’s evil twin is so overdone (but Haman’s alcoholic abusive dad, now there’s an idea). Most importantly, you’ve gotta be up on the water cooler gossip. If it’s what people are talking about, then it’s gotta be a winner. Here’s what I mean: If you’re a husband and wife team, then instead of going down the predictable road and dressing up as Nick and Jessica, how about having your hubby dress up as a post-indictment Jack Abramoff, and you dress up as a Navajo casino owner? Now that’s what I call a pair! Or ... you have three kids right? You and your husband can be Brangelina, your two oldest kids can be Maddox and Zahara, and your little one can dress up as their newest addition (in utero, of course, for that added kick).

I know it’s a little late for this but here’s a handy tip for next year — hit up a store like Wal-Mart or Party City the day after Halloween, when all the costumes are 90% off and the getting’s good. That way, you can have a stash for next year and mix it up when Purim rolls around. (That Elvira wig, together with the gypsy earrings and skirt, and the cowboy jacket with the fringe on the sleeves? Bam! You’ve got a Cher costume.)

#2: I always go to my in-laws for the Passover seder, and each year the experience becomes increasingly more painful (mostly because of Great Aunt Etta’s pinching). Any ideas on how to spice things up a bit, or even more important, keep us all from wanting to strangle each other by the second cup?

There’s something you should know — and I know this might come as a surprise so brace yourself — I don’t know any family that can make it through the seder without the help of four cups of wine (hence why the writers of the Haggadah were nothing short of genius). You’re forced to be in the same room with family you haven’t seen since, well, last year at this time, and not having anything to say to one another besides commenting on how much Alicia has grown in 12 months (you’re too polite to say which way she’s grown, of course). I like to think of the seder as God’s little way of helping us each experience our own personal Exodus (“It’s 1:00 AM and we’re finally going home — freedom!”). Let’s face it: Who doesn’t have a Great Aunt Etta who, every year when the ten plagues comes up, has to tell the story of her own personal experience with boils. (“Dr. Goldstein, that handsome dermatologist, he’s the one that had to freeze the one on the bottom of my foot! What a nice man.”)

Honey, it’s apparent that I can relate to your problem, but as far as your question, girl, you’re on your own; I’ve got my own seder to prepar for.

#3: So, what’s the deal with Orthodox men and those black hats?

Good question. I direct you to the handy Encyclopedia of Religious Observances and Oddities which clearly states, “While most people assume the custom of wearing a black fedora dates back to a little known Talmudic dictum for men to have two head coverings during prayer (a yarmulke and a hat), the fashion statement actually stems from an innate Indiana Jones complex found in the neurotic brain of many Jewish males.” Look, it’s hard to argue with the facts.



If you'd like to comment on this article, email us a Letter to the Editor.