January / february 2006:

ajl's style advice
Style questions got you all ferklempt? Relax. Our AJL fashionista has answers for you. This time: Synagogue style, benefit dinner ideas, and the perfect present to bring to a bris.

By Chanie Cohen | Illustration by Paul Fricke


We all know that business casual has taken over the workplace. What once used to be only casual Friday (and the occasional Hawaiian shirt Thursday) has become the norm for every other day of the week. Here's my question: Has this new tradition spilled over into synagogue? Can I ditch the tie on Saturday morning? What about wearing sandals instead of dress shoes?

Ok, first things first. Leave the Birkenstocks to the Israelis. American feet cannot pull it off. That being said, there is nothing wrong with going a little more casual in front of the Lord. Let's be honest, it's not like the All-Seeing hasn't seen you in your jammies. Synagogue — y'know the place where the cantor wears a funny-looking hat — has actually become a fun place to make a fashion statement. For those who wear suits all week, synagogue can be a place to style up your look a bit. And for those who work at home (and work in the nude), you might want to dress up (in something) for synagogue. It's all personal preference and there's a lot of room for variation. As long as you don't show up in your boxers and your favorite "Tiki Town" t-shirt, pretty much anything goes as long as it's respectable.

I just came back from another bris and I had no idea what to bring. Are you supposed to get something for the mom? The baby? Some Vicodin?

Of course the easy thing to do would be to see if the new parents have registered anywhere (these days, you can register for almost any occasion — losing a tooth, growing a white hair, taking a shower. You get my drift. "I'm clean! Everyone buy me presents!"). Buying them a gift off their baby registry is practical and appreciated ... and boring.

There are those out there who will seriously disagree with me on this one. I have a new age perspective about this — forget the kids' books, the clothes (which they'll grow out of in, oh, a day), and the toys. I mean, I know the new baby's been through a lot, but he's the one getting all the attention to begin with, and he hasn't even done anything. What about the people who brought him here, huh? So how about getting something for the new parents? How about a day at a spa for the new mother? Or movie tickets for mommy and daddy to go enjoy some alone time away from the newborn? Or sleeping pills? Or — and for the faint of heart, this is a warning to put the AJL down now. I mean it — why not ask the rabbi for the foreskin and get it framed as a memento for the little boy when he grows up? Whatever you get, and I've said this before and I'll say it again, it's all about the card. A well-crafted and meaningful card can make any gift go from being forgettable to memorable.

I've gotten stuck with running our synagogue benefit dinner again. You know the ones where everyone is paying an arm and a leg to come hear boring speech after boring speech (did I mention there would be boring speeches?). Any ideas on how to jazz this year's benefit up a bit so that people don't feel like they're paying $500 to have their teeth extracted (which might actually be more pleasant)?

I don't envy you — benefit dinners have a way of going on for hours with no end in sight. Much like award shows, root canals, and my family's Passover seder. (Pass me another goblet of wine, please.) You've got to find an edge that will make people want to come. For example, if you're a dentist, the way to go would be to install TVs and have HBO on while you're drilling holes in people's mouths. People will be lining up out the door for their six-month checkup (which they haven't gotten in more than three years).

At a synagogue dinner, the same concept holds true. No, you don't need monitors showing the latest season of Entourage (though, I wouldn't mind the DVD if you happen to own it). The point is to have as few speeches as possible (that means you Mr. Vice President of Fundraising), as much food as possible, and great entertainment. Have you thought about having a band perform? Or maybe a fashion show featuring the kids of your organization? Limit speeches to two minutes and here's a little trick I learned from attending the Country Music Awards recently — when someone's speech starts to go too long, have the band start to play a song. They'll have to wrap up. And it that doesn't work, have the mic set to turn off after a couple minutes.

As for the entertainment, bring in a mentalist to guess what people are thinking. That'll shake things up a bit — especially when the whole synagogue finds out that Harry Greenberg sometimes envisions himself in front of the entire congregation ... nude. (I told my editor I would put the word "nude" in at least twice — he claims it increases readership.). Have I given you enough suggestions? If nothing else, make sure to have an open bar. That way, your inebriated guests won't remember the evening long enough to criticize it.



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