COMING TO GRIPS
Yes, we are now in the final month of my wife's pregnancy and that means getting rooms ready, moving furniture, painting (we've gone with a gender-neutral moss green that can be highlighted with either pink or blue), and hearing the question "So, are you excited!!!???" 15 times a day by every friend, acquaintance, and store clerk. The short answer is "Sometimes". The more complex answer is "It's hard to get excited over something that is completely foreign to you".
As I've gotten older I've more and more become a person who does not usually welcome big change, which is a fault. Call it a fear of the unknown, but it essentially means I need to be pushed into anything big. When I got the job at 99X radio in Atlanta in 1993 I was unemployed in Chicago and knew it was a huge opportunity but was still hesitant because it meant moving to a new city. My parents and everyone in the business convinced me, however, that I was crazy to not take the offer so I did and it was the best professional move of my life.
I panicked in 1995 when I was buying my first home because I wasn't sure I could handle the responsibility, but again, it was my father who told me it was time to stop renting and financially grow up. And, of course, he was right as owning your own home is awesome and smart.
Engagement and marriage also didn't sound like life changes I wanted to explore but, in the end....er...well let's come back to that one another day. I'm just kidding. While, professionally, this past year has been a roller coaster, my marriage has actually gotten stronger and stronger (which is a little surprising considering a lot of people's marriage couldn't stand being locked in the same house together day after day with no income). In fact, Lisa and I rarely fight these days. My theory is that since we don't have positive cash flow it's harder to fight about how it gets spent. We both understand what the essentials are (i.e. food, bills, mortgage, Thrashers season tickets, etc). But, again, it's an example of something I wasn't sure about getting into that's been a very positive growing experience.
That brings us to kids. I have always loved kids but really never cared if I had my own. I've been perfectly happy without the responsibility of raising a human being. Being an uncle is awesome. I get them all riled up and then hand them back to their moms and dads. Plus, I like spending money on things like ME.
Yeah, you hear people talk about how having children changed their lives and how nobody can describe the feeling of attachment one hands for their child, blah blah blah (even Dahmer's mom still loved him), but that's very hard to conceptualize if you never really cared about that kind of stuff. However, if I was going to stay married I was going to have to give this woman a child, and besides, nobody has ever regretted becoming a parent. So for me, it's been a leap of faith....like so many other major things I've done.
Anyway, the truth is I am sort of getting a teeny tiny bit excited and there have even been times I've felt myself getting a bit emotional. Like when we painted the baby's room last week . There's no real reason a green room should get one choked up but, for some reason, it was even more real than physically seeing my wife pregnant. I mean, CRAP, a freakin' new person that I made that may even look like me is going to live in THIS ROOM for, like, almost two decades!
Another scary realization right now is that, while Lisa technically isn't due for another 3 1/2 weeks, that thing could decide TODAY that it's ready to get the party started and it'd be probably perfectly healthy. Even though it's unlikely, I could very easily be a father by the end of any given day. And to make matters worse, tomorrow I have to go back out to LA for a week.
So let's just hope that thing is in no hurry to make a jail break. Last minute airfares cross country are a bitch.
Wow! Congrats. It's such a special time. I found that at special times like these a powerful move is to request 40 days of Western Wall Prayers. They are so awesome and a great way to welcome a new baby into the world.