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Monday, April 16, 2007
2 MORE REASONS I HATE LEAVING THE HOUSE
A couple of things that have always ticked me off:

A) Men's room attendant's. WTF is their purpose other than to guilt you into coughing up a buck just to leave the bathroom? What jerk-wad club or bar owner thinks men appreciate a guy in the bathroom trying to sell us crap or give him money because he gave me a rag to dry my hands? I'll tell you right now, as nice as these guys may be, they don't get squat from me. I don't need some dude on a stool pushing shaving cream and dental floss when I go to take a leak at a freakin' bar. I happen to be one who grooms himself BEFORE he leaves the house. And I don't need to be guilted into pulling dough out of my wallet because you provided me with the laborious service of pulling a paper towl out of a dispenser. Get a better gig, dude.

B) Here's what I can be 100% sure of....
1) Robin Williams can not make me laugh under any circumstance, and

2) If a waiter doesn't write down your order, and instead tries the memory method, your meal will come out wrong EVERY DAMN TIME!

I cannot stand when waiters think they're impressing me by trying to memorize an order instead of erring on the side of accuracy. Happened to me again this morning. We met Lisa's cousin for breakfast downtown at the Hilton (a cousin who would later unceremoniously drop a deuce in our guest bathroom and then yell for a toilet paper delivery after discovering the roll was low). And as we started piling on the off-the-menu items (buffets are a rip) to the Rhodes Scholar taking our order, I could tell by his eyes that he was going to screw it up. Now, many times when I see waiters do this I'll humorously suggest that they write it down, but that usually gets them and my wife irritaded with me....until I'm inevitably proven correct when the food comes out wrong. So we start rattling off: breakfast burrito, spanish omelette, grapefruit, bowl of cream of wheat, 2 OJ's, etc. and when he leaves I announce "The Order Will Come Out Wrong Or He'll Forget Something". And lo and behold, in ten minutes I'm looking like The Amazing Kreskin. In fact, even when dude realized he never brought my grapefruit he said he was sorry and that he'd bring it out...which he never did.

Why are servers such putzes with this? Why do they think we're impressed if they don't write down your order? To me it doesn't say "experienced waiter", it says "guy-who-will-get-small-tip-because-order-came-out-wrong".
If you're a server and don't write down orders please be advised: Your ability to memorize my food has absolutely no positive bearing on your tip, only a potential negative one. If, by chance, you get it right it's not like I'm going to sit there and say "Hey, Paul the Waiter from Minneapolis has a great memory. I think I'll give him five extra dollars!"

You wanna memorize something? Join community theatre.
posted by Jimmy | 9:09 AM | Link |
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