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Thursday, February 21, 2008
613 Words: Sex and the Skullcap

This is part of our Feb/Mar 2008 issue.

Who knew a little piece of fabric could say so much?

Some women swoon for a man in a tux; others for the sight of a guy in a tight pair of Levis. For me, there's nothing quite as hot as a man in a yarmulke. In a world where getting dressed for most men means matching a solid color button-down shirt with a pair of machine-washable khakis, it's exciting, titillating even, to see a man make a bold statement in his choice of accessories.

What is it about a guy with a head covering that I find so damn sexy? Maybe it's that by donning a kippah, the wearer puts his Jewishness right out there for the world to see. There's no "is he or isn't he" when a man is wearing a yarmulke. Immediately we know that this is a guy who knows his way around a jar of gefilte fish. He gets that the book opening from left isn't a misprint by the publisher. He knows the exact moment to do the bendy-knee thing during prayer services at synagogue.

You can tell a lot about a man by the style of his kippah. A black suede yarmulke is favored by the Orthodox community, sure -- but did you know that it also connotes versatility, timelessness, and a great sense of style? You don't have to be Sabbath observant to wear this classic headpiece. The man who wears a little black kippah is a sort of Jewish James Bond -- he knows how to order a martini and will recover the stolen microchip all before sundown on Friday.

If a guy dons a colorful, crocheted cap, he's likely to be outgoing, adventurous, and laid-back. Though he may be a little less sophisticated than the black yarmulke wearer, his adolescent exuberance left over from those wild youth group days will have you fantasizing about afternoon sex on the kibbutz. His idea of a perfect date includes hand-delivered kosher pizza and klezmer dancing followed by an all-night horah between the sheets.

Steer clear of the guy who uses his yarmulke to show support for his favorite sports team. This is the type of man who considers one of those foam hands appropriate living room wall art. If you want to marry a guy with his own set of plastic commemorative cups, who is forever ducking away from the table to check the score, then by all means date the man with Go Broncos! embroidered on his head.

While a large, satin yarmulke may look appealing on the outside, beware of something more sinister underneath. I once removed such a yarmulke from a boyfriend's head and was faced with a most disturbing inscription on the flip side. Who was this "Melissa Shapiro," and why was my boyfriend still keeping mementos from her "Rockin' Bat Mitzvah"?

Some women tell me they're turned off when a guy uses a bobby pin to secure his kippah to his keppe. I strongly urge them to reconsider their view on this. Though the use of something sold next to the scrunchees may not seem manly, in fact it couldn't be more so. My friend Judy found herself trapped in the bathroom during a Passover Seder, when a quick-thinking guest pulled the clip from his cranium, jimmied the lock, and saved the day. "He was like MacGyver," she says with a funny little sigh.

A yarmulke can help a man maintain a connection to God. It can also hide a bald spot. But when a guy is really rocking one the right way, it sure gets you wondering what else is underneath.

--Text by Ronnie Koenig / Photo by Carlos Torres

This is part of our Feb/Mar 2008 issue.
posted by Benyamin | 5:53 PM | Link | |
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