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| Wednesday, November 28, 2007 |
Answer Maven
This is part of our Nov/Dec 2007 issue.
Q: I run a small business and need to get my employees some nice gifts for Chanukah. Any ideas for some cute stocking stuffers that won't break the bank?
A: Stocking stuffers? I'll let that one slide.
Considering I've never worked a day in my life (unless you consider writing this bi-monthly column a job, which, let's face it, it's not), I don't have the faintest idea what someone who works for a living might want from their boss for Chanukah. But since I'm not one to shy away from a beloved reader's quandary, I'll take a crack at it and try to give you a few ideas.
How about an all-expense paid trip to Maui (are you listening, Mr. Editor)? Yes, that's a little extravagant, but it was worth a shot. My feeling is that the best kind of gift is the gift that keeps on giving, not the kind that lasts for an afternoon (i.e. a day at the spa or tickets to a Broadway show). How about a month's membership to Netflix, for example? Or an iTunes gift card? Or in these days of high gas prices, how about an Exxon or Mobil gift card? (For the spiritual set, that can be in honor of the olive oil from the miracle of Chanukah — my mavenness is practically oozing from me today). The best gift I ever received was exactly of this sort. It was a one-year's subscription to TiVo, my favorite recent invention (barring the no-interest credit card, that is) and by far, the most logical for a person who wants to save time and watch more TV.
Q: I always have to see my cousin Rhonda at Thanksgiving dinner, and we do not get along (ever since I outed her to the family, things just haven't been the same). In any case, how do I get through another holiday feast without an all-out catfight?
A: Simple. Try the time-tested and age-old shock and awe routine, and I'm not talking about the Toby Keith album. Surprise her with goodwill, shower her with kindness, bombard her with benevolence. (I just love my thesaurus - Microsoft Word's, that is. I just Shift-F7 my way through every column.) But seriously, give her the kind of treatment you'd give your husband if you found out he had a huge sparkler waiting in his sock drawer for you. She won't know what hit her. She'll be so disarmed by your kindness, she won't have time to criticize your outfit or poison your stuffing. You guys might actually even become friends. Hey, if all else fails, why not give her an iTunes gift card? (See the first question.)
Q: I heard you lost 10 pounds and look great. How did you do it?
A: Why thank you, it's almost as if I crafted that question myself (wink, wink). For one, these vertical-striped pajamas I'm wearing at the moment do wonders for my figure. For two, I've been feeding my husband more and more food. That way, I look skinnier next to him. It's an easy, no-fail way to lose weight fast.
I also suggest you watch NBC's The Biggest Loser for motivation. As a matter of fact, watch it on your TiVo so you can fast forward through all those food commercials. (Ironic, isn't it? I prefer to think of it as a proverbial comment on the hypocrisy of the media today, but that's for another, more intelligent, column.)
You know, for a while, my husband was also trying to lose weight, but it seemed that his efforts were in vain. Alas, each time he weighed himself, he had never lost even a fraction of a pound. Neither of us could figure out why he wasn't losing weight, despite his best efforts at daily exercise and healthy eating. I used to commiserate with him about this (being the supportive wife that I am), until I found him at 3 AM one night (or is it morning?), expeditiously polishing off an entire pan of cranberry crunch on the living room couch. Case closed, super sleuth.
Another great idea is to park your treadmill in front of your TV. That way, you can watch all those Access Hollywood episodes while you're working out. Now what could be more productive than that?
-- Text by Chanie Cohen Kirschner / Illustration by Fred Harper
This is part of our Nov/Dec 2007 issue.
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